Why Date a Paintball Player

by Anna on May 26, 2012

in Bedlamonium

Anna @BedlamPaintball gives you some reasons to why date a paintball player.

why date a paintball playerIt’s gonna be my best friend’s wedding next month. As the maid of honor, I am responsible for organizing her bridal shower. The bride wants it to be clean, that means no male strippers and all those dirty stuff. So me and the bridesmaids came up with an idea to have a paintball hen’s party. But as you know, we can NEVER have such type of celebration without a little “fun”. So, aside from the “not-so-clean” gifts for the honeymoon, we decided to make her cake extra special. We had a cupcake tower cake, and each cupcake have a note that show a reason to why date a paintball player. As for the bride’s case of course, her husband is a professional paintballer.

Here are the notes:

1) They aren’t afraid to get down and dirty
2) They know how to listen to directions
3) They at least have a ten inch barrel
4) They can fire off hundreds of rounds without getting tired.
5) They always wear protection
6) They love to be aggressive, head first into anything
7) They like to push hard, but not TOO hard they get hit.
8) They never forget to lube.
9) They always have to have the best **** on the field.
10) If they run out of gas, it takes less than 5 seconds to get them going again!
11) They know how to work any position front, back, and all in between
12) They’re good at moving our fingers extremely fast in small places
13) They can move & contort their bodies into weird positions
14) They know how to use a condom
15) They’re used to 2 on 1 and 3 on 1 situations
16) Standing, kneeling, laying down… really it doesn’t matter
17) They have great aim
18) They don’t mind a little pain
19) They will play any chance they get
20) When they play they look good doing it!’
21) They clean their barrels often
22 ) Their equipment is made for high pressure.
23) Welts and hickies look about the same.
24 ) It’s quite normal for them to wear masks, straps, and harnesses.
25) Forget bases, they just go for the 50.
26 ) Walking a trigger and handling small fragile parts means nimble hands.
27) They can hit a moving target at 100 feet, they can protect your honor too.
28) They’ll “communicate” with you all you want, just do it over a radio.
29) Dropping $100 in a single day is nothing new.
30) Jumping, diving, ducking, and sliding develops great body coordination.
31) They do always try and help out someone in need…
33) They appreciate tighter holes
34) They can hold odd positions for long lengths of time
35) They use a condom to protect everybody’s eyes
36) They don’t mind getting goo shot into their mouths
37) They pump with smooth strokes
38) They don’t mind being on their knees
39) They start playing harder when the balls start to fly around
40) They never stay in one place for too long
41) They always explore before they get down and dirty
42) They’ll shoot their load(er) on a guy, then shake his hand afterwards
43) They love sliding in between big ol’ air bags
44) They’re quick to reload
45) They make sure their balls are in perfect condition

Disclaimer: Some are ideas contributed by the girls, while some are taken from the internet.

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